Good whatever time of day it is, everyone! How y’all doin’? Welcome to this week’s edition of S#%t I Found. I am going to forewarn you, this one’s a little scarier than usual. This definitely isn’t for the faint of heart…
The Setup
As much as it pains me to say this, the holiday season is nearly upon us. I was browsing through etsy.com one night searching for gift ideas. While browsing the vintage toy section I came across the most unpleasant of childhood memories.
I’m referring of course, to:
Troll Dolls
I mean, look at it! It gives you chills!!! Eugh…
Was It Everything You Remember It Being?
Oh, God! No! I remember them being cute and lovable and…me actually WANTING to approach and handle one! I OWNED ONE! These things are hideous! Those little scrunched-up old man faces…the big glossy evil eyes… that freakish hair that defies gravity for some frightening reason… And why are they naked??? What message does that send??? Not to mention the so-called “Wishing Trolls”. Rub the jewel on their bare tummy and your wish comes true? Does no one else see the creepy innuendo with that? This is the stuff of nightmares.
Retro Recommendations
Avoid these hellish little plastic demons at all costs. Save your psyche and your circadian rhythm and just leave ‘em where you found ‘em and walk away.
I apologize for the mental scarring, folks; but it had to be brought to light. Or did it?
I promise next week’s will be more pleasant.
And you, my retro junkies, if you have suggestions for something you’d like me to feature, you can email me at hbhtjess@gmail.com or send me a tweet @Jessie9000 on Twitter.
Until then,
Knowing is half the battle.
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